1 AND IT CAME TO PASS, when Paul was at Corinth, he and certain disciples came upon a mob that was stoning an organist.

2 And Paul said unto them, "What then hath he done unto thee that thou shouldst bruise his head?"

3 And the people cried aloud with one voice, "He hath played too loud every Sabbath for nigh on twenty-two seasons.

4 Yea, in the prelude and postlude, he maketh our heads to ring as if they were beaten with hammers.

5 Behold, he sitteth up high in the loft, and mighty are the pipes and mighty is the noise thereof, and though we speak together below, he nonetheless playeth with all the stops, the Assyrian trumpet stop and the stop of the ram's horn and the stop that soundeth like the sawing of stone, and forsooth, we cannot hear a word that cometh out of our own mouths.

6 Yea, and even more: upon the singing and chanting of psalmes he doth indulge in atonal variations and obscure counter-melodies that confuse us mightily, and these he playeth with merry discord, loosing more and more evil spirits from the brassy reeds and high-shrieking mixtures as he continueth, yea, even in such a militant tempo that we have not time even to draw breath as we sing.

7 And even furthermore he always causeth a stop called Double Ophicleide of thirty-two cubits to be deployed for the last bass note in all ye hymnes, like as if he were transporting his own mind so as to be in ye Chapel of Kinges itself.

8 Lo, he is a plague upon the faith and should be chastised."

9 Paul, hearing these things, had himself picked up a small stone, and was about to cast it, but he set it down and bade the organist come forward.

10 He was a narrow man, pale of complexion, quaking and thin of hair.

11 And Paul said unto him, "Can it be that a man like thou hast so abused thy brethren?"

12 And wishing to justify himself, the organist replied, "I could not hear them singing from where I sat, and therefore played the louder all the while so as to better encourage them to sing heartily."

13 And Paul turned round to the mob and said loudly, "Verily, his sin crieth out, but hear ye my words, let him who casts a stone be willing to chair the committee to find yet another organist."

14 Nevertheless, they being too deaf from the organ to understand the Apostle, they cast stones for many hours until their arms were tired, whereupon Paul bade the organist repent and he did.

15 And Paul said unto him, "Thou shalt take up the flute and play it for thirty days, to cleanse thy spirit, and afterwards thou shalt play pleasant chorales upon one, nay, not more than two stops."

16 Then they returned to Corinth and sang psalmes unaccompanied and gave thanks.

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©SGH Dec 2001 ©SGH Jan 2002